at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
