Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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