I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
