First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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