Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
operation harelip BJ is a go
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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