I didn't shave. On purpose
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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