What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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