He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
