If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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