The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
