He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
