U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
