This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
