just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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