Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
