Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
you're hired as official boob wrangler
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
