we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
