I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i used baking grease as lip gloss
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
