My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
