this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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