You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
