will power is for people who don't want to get laid
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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