the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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