Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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