oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
