I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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