He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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