i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
