it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
