You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
