I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
