you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
