I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
