Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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