What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
