guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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