he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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