I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
