My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
