i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
