so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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