whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
