They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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