I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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