Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
