Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
