I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
