grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
