just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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