so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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