I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
