I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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