'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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