I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Less talking, more tequila
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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