i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
